July 27th PITCH! David Crabb! Gregory Nalbone! Karl Marxxx! Nathan Phillips! Sarah Small & Sidney Etienne! …and Daniel Nardicio of PLAYGIRL magazine! Hosted by Greg Walloch and Mark Allen!

We’re horny to announce July 27th’s “Pitch!” Our guest editor is none other than man-about-town Daniel Nardicio of Playgirl magazine! Sizzlin’ beef-steaks! We’ve got a sexy line-up of performers ready to do their thing for Playgirl, and you: David Crabb (Hospital, Ask Me, Risk!, The Moth), Gregory Nalbone (Love is in the Air @ Metropolitan Room, Laurie Beechman Theater, All of Me @ Duplex), Karl Marxxx (International Drag King Extravaganza, Smithsonian Hirshorn Museum Afterhours, Baltimore Pride Stage) and Nathan Phillips (NPR, Dealing With My Feelings, Sex You (I’m Gonna)). Plus guest photographer Sarah Small and model Sidney Etienne (Tableau Vivant of the Delirium Constructions, Black Sea Hotel), talking about, and doing a “demo,” of a Playgirl photo session! Who will do what? Who’ll make it? What will they take off?! (ALSO: would you like to audition for Playgirl magazine?) Things could get downright thong-y! MC’d by your hung hosts Greg Walloch and Mark Allen! Wednesday July 27th! The Lounge @ Dixon Place, 161 Chrystie Street, NYC (map it), 9:30PM! Only $7! (no drink minimum). Come get quenched in the raw, naked talent!

(www.pitchshow.org)

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Check out Michael Musto’s write-up of PITCH in his “La Dolce Musto” column!

Michael MustoWe were thrilled to have the talented and witty Michael Musto as a guest editor at Pitch! He wrote about his experience in his “La Dolce Musto” column in The Village Voice…hilarious! See here.

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Did you see Kenneth Walsh’s blog (Kenneth In The 212) post about June 29th’s PITCH!?

Writer Kenneth Walsh of the very on-the-go, prolific (and groundbreaking) blog Kenneth in the 212 visited June 29th’s “Pitch!” and wrote about it. Funny! First-hand! With pictures! You can see his post about his visit to “Pitch!” here. Kenneth and I have been cyber friends for over a decade, and share many of the same obsessions… this was the first time we met in the flesh. What a doll! Thanks Kenneth! (and ‘Pitch!’ thanks you!)

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June 29th Pitch! Mike Lawrence! Mother Flawless Sabrina! Billy Eichner! Glenn Marla! …and Michael Musto of The Village Voice! (plus: new space & time!)

OMG! Can’t… breathe… we are so excited to announce June 29th’s PITCH! Not only are we in a snazzy new space, but we’re debuting there with the likes of Mike Lawrence (Comedy Central, Nerd of Mouth, Risk!, John Oliver’s Stand-Up Show) Mother  Flawless Sabrina (The Queen, Charmed Life, founder of The Nationals & Miss Fire Island Pageants, living legend) Billy Eichner (HBO, Logo, Bravo, Creation Nation, What Happens in Vegas, Best Week Ever) Glenn Marla (The Lily’s Revenge, PussyFaggot, Reigning Mr. Coney Island) …all going up against Michael Musto (‘La Dolce Musto,’ The Village Voice)! Hosted by Greg Walloch and Mark Allen!

Legends! Gays! Straights! Trans! OMG! What will this colorful bunch throw at Michael Musto to dazzle him with? What will Mr. Musto throw back?

Also, ever wanted to get Michael Musto’s attention? Now’s your chance…we let the audience pitch to him as well! (could this be Musto’s worst nightmare? come find out!)

We are also thrilled to finally announce our snazzy new space and time: The Lounge @ Dixon Place , at 161 Chrystie Street (map it!) …aaand we’re now the fourth Wednesday of every month, at a new time: 9:30 PM. Ticket price: $7 (no drink minimum). Showtime: about 90 minutes. Fireworks!

(http://pitchshow.org)

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A report on our April 19th PITCH! With David Commander! Mike Albo! Corn Mo! Erin Markey! …and Francesco Sedita of Grosset & Dunlap’s Penguin Young Reader’s Group!

We had some scheduling conflicts and never got around to a report on our April 19th PITCH! (Mark Allen couldn’t make it to the event). It ended up being our most packed PITCH! to-date! What a blast! Of course the draw & talent of performers David Commander, Mike Albo, Erin Markey and Corn Mo — as well as the snazzy editorial commentary of Francesco Sedita (of Penguin Young Reader’s Group) — no doubt had a lot to do with that! Turns out Karl Jones from the Young to Publishing Group blog already did a fine post (with photos) about the event… so, take a look!

Also, here’s a few photos that Kelly Murphy shot that night:

Francesco Sedita, President and Publisher of Grosset & Dunlap/PSS!, gave superb commentary and criticism to the performers at PITCH!, as well as the avalanche of audience pitches he received for children's books. You rock Francesco!

David Commander and his lovely (Birthday girl!) assistant Alexandrea Hasselback demostrate their ABC's while pitching a book idea to Francesco Sedita of Grosset & Dunlap Penguin Young Reader's Group, and the audience, at April 19th's PITCH!

Corn Mo reads his story to a packed house at PITCH!

The inimitable Erin Markey wow's the children's book set at PITCH!

Thanks all!

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A report on our March 15th PITCH! With Alison Grillo, Les Simpson, Cary Curran and Brianna Austin of TGLife magazine!

Graphic descriptions of sex-change operations told in the style of Erma Bombeck? Secret Transylvanian beauty clinics? Prank phone calls? Strip-tease acts with a double-twist, then another twist? “Trans” was the subject of March 15th’s PITCH!, and the lines separating penises and vaginas have never been blurrier. What a night!

Trans-themes at PITCH? Yes ma'am! I mean, yes sir!

Downtown NYC-scenester legend Brianna Austin helmed our Editor’s Desk, and Brianna should know a thing or two about the matter, being trans-identified herself, as well as being the publisher of TGLife online magazine (and soon-to-be-launched TGReporter.com). He was also the NYC columnist at Girl Talk magazine (remember that one?) Currently, Brianna juggles his time between NYC and South America (and sometimes Europe) and his frank opinions on these performers and their often controversial subject was refreshing; down-to-earth, witty, world-wise… thanks Brianna!

Greg Walloch and Mark Allen chat with Brianna Austin of TGLife

Comedian Alison Grillo was up first. Alison has a comedy night called Jokes ‘n’ Gender: A Talk Show at Broadway Comedy Club, and has performed on shows like NBC’s Last Comic Standing. So no one was surprised when she started the night off with a professional stand-up act…

Alison Grillo performs for Brianna Austin and PITCH!'s audience

The twist is that Alison Grillo is post-op trans, the subject of which makes up a lot of her material. Alison has a wry, matter-of-fact tone about it all. Imagine Amanda Lear crossed with Cathy the comic strip (if you will). It works! We loved how she described her operation to have her penis turned into a vagina using the same conversational tone Erma Bombeck might use when asking if life were a bowl of cherries, then why was she in the pits? While every other post-op trans she knew of at the time described how their glorious “new clitorises could achieve heavenly orgasms,” Alison was simply trying to get hers “to pee straight.” Girl can’t catch a break! She also demonstrated how she snuggles up (crotch-first) to straight businessmen-types at her Broadway Comedy Club act from the stage (‘Hi sir, how ya doin’?’) after talking frankly about the physical mechanics of her operation, and how the men squirm (Alison confessed PITCH’s audience was ‘too hip’ to be able to pull that trick on).

She's out there! Alison Grillo at PITCH!

Alison Grillo is a true pro, and we were happy to get her at PITCH! But, tweaking her act for our event’s format, Alison segued into a more serious story-telling mode, going on to talk frankly about the depression she’s dealt with pre and post-op, and how changing her physical gender still left her with herself. Often hear about people winning the lottery and ending up depressed? Alison says changing one’s gender is a similar “start-over” that many approach with preconceived notions about total past self-erasal… only to find that after the prize has been gained (or removed) the person’s inner life is still there, waiting to be struggled with on a daily basis.

What did Brianna think? Well, these types of issues are the stock and trade of TGLife, and Brianna has been dealing with them in her years in publications dealing with trans subjects, as well as being one herself.

The audience at PITCH!

One thing we’ve noticed happening at PITCH is the discussion between editor and performer seems to include the audience more and more, with Greg Walloch and Mark Allen facilitating a weird kind of group therapy session after each act. Needless to say, when that audience includes M2F and F2M post-ops and pre-ops, Brianna had her hands full! But she and Alison reeled them all in, with bawdy humor.

Speaking of…

Les Simpson reads from his fiction-version of "The Tranny Chase" on the PITCH! stage

We’d wanted to book the legendary NYC drag artist Linda Simpson for PITCH!, but she was away at an exclusive age-rejuvenation clinic and cell-reconstruction laboratory nestled deep in the mountains of Transylvania. So, while we had him on the phone, we instead decided to book Linda’s younger brother, and caretaker… Les Simpson!

Besides being involved in some of the most important downtown NYC art/club/culture scenes since the 1980’s, and writing for major magazines like Out and his own magazine My Comrade, Les has also worked extensively in stage improv and comedy, as well as writing and directing (and starring in) his own off-Broadway play a while back, called The Tranny Chase.

One project he’s been working on amongst the other balls he’s juggling (haw haw!) is a fiction/novel version of The Tranny Chase. No one knew what to expect from Les… as Linda we’ve seen him slay audience members and fellow performers on the mic before! But Les treated the PITCH! stage as a traditional reading series night, plopping himself right down on a chair in the middle of the stage and reading from his in-progress manuscript. A bit of Linda’s razzle-dazzle came out (he spontaneously bit my head off — with comic timing — when I tried to sneak onstage and adjust his mic).

Les Simpson’s book was fantastic! Zany, well-written, screwball fiction about a hapless tranny caught between a rock (her popularity as a downtown celebrity) and her frustration at finding sexual satisfaction (a hard place), all within the context of Les’ experience as a drag performer (the creamy middle?), was a delight! The audience even demanded he read a second chapter!

Les Simpson: "I just identify so strongly as 'drag queen!'"

This all sparked a conversation between Brianna, Les and some of the audience members about gender identification, which of course lead to talking about how nut-numbingly hot tranny-chasers often are in real life… usually husky, masculine, blue-collar types (does anyone remember that old club near Times Square called Sally’s II, which catered to that scene?) At one point an audience member (Hi Aner!) asked Les how she “identified.” Male or female? In the highly politicized and often over-intellectualized world of “trans theory,” Les says he never knows how to answer that question, claiming simply “I just identify so strongly as ‘Drag Queen.'” Top that, queens!

Brianna and Les actually go way back, and Brianna found his fiction to be top-notch, saying she’d love to feature it in TGLife, or at least review it when it’s published. Les promised to keep us all posted.

Well, unfortunately performer Glen Marla couldn’t make it a the last minute due to the flu, so host Mark Allen filled in.

Mark Allen on the PITCH! stage

Mark Allen commanded the stage and told a trans-themed story so fantastic, so amazing, so ground-breaking… that the thunderous applause afterward nearly caused the building to collapse. Did we mention Mark doesn’t look a day over 21? If that isn’t amazing enough… [NOTE: This is Greg Walloch, interrupting. Mark Allen is the one writing this and, well… he works here! He’s not allowed to write about himself. As you can see his ethical guidelines are as nearly out of control as his ego is! All I’ll say is Mark told a wonderful story about how when he was 13 he disguised his voice as a girl and called a boy he had a crush on from school pretending to be an anonymous, admiring female fellow student with a secret obsession. They talked on the phone several times, with Mark never revealing himself. Last year Mark discovered this guy on Google, still living in Texas, straight and married, and has thought of calling him again with the same voice 25 years later. It was a funny, warm story and everyone loved it, especially Brianna.]

Now onto the next performer, who took Mark’s story to the next level…

We’ve seen Cary Curran on and off the stage in NYC (as a member of Big Art Group, in her one-woman show Cary From the Cock, or with the Dazzle Dancers — which she is a founding member of), as well as in films and television, for over a decade. She’s a dynamite artist, with a very can-do energy about art, theater and performance. So, when we asked her to do something at our trans-themed PITCH, she responded with “Can you hook me up a scrim with a silhouette?” She already had an idea right out of the gate!

Pay attention to that man behind the curtain...

After Cary’s introduction, the lights in the theater went out. A brightly-lit doorway appeared at the back of the stage, and the silhouette of a husky man in a 70’s gay porn leather garb appeared, holding a telephone. Soon, through the sound system was heard what sounded like the raunchiest gay porn phone talk we’ve heard this side of a 1970’s Joe Gage gay porn film, with the silhouette acting out every move. Afterwards, the figure came out and strutted the stage (lights still out) and began aggressively approaching several men in the audience. Before people began breaking out the poppers, the lights went up and the figure whipped off her leather cap, with her long blond hair cascading down. Cary then began telling everyone about how she’d done this to her gay male friends in the past, calling them and pretending to be a guy. She’d even get friends of hers to meet her in the backroom at The Cock, where she’d finally reveal herself. She became notorious around town for pulling this stunt, so she worked it into part of her notorious hit show, Cary From the Cock.

Any takers? Who's got the poppers?

It's me! Cary Curran!

Okay Cary, we knew it was you… still, you carried it off so well it was suspenseful! It was definitely one of the most exciting performances yet at PITCH! The last we saw Cary she was getting oodles of press in the Village Voice and Daily News for doing nothing more than having her profile pic removed by Facebook (where she was 8 months pregnant and happened to be wearing a two-piece bikini, ‘tastefully’). “MORE CARY CURRAN!” shouted everyone after the show. We concur!

Sexy x 2! Performance artist Cary Curran on the PITCH stage

We’d like to thank all our performers, Alison Grillo, Les Simpson, Cary Curran, and host Greg Walloch and Mark Allen… and especially publisher and editor of TGLife Brianna Austin for making this recent PITCH! one of the most memorable — and twisted — ever! Hugs, kisses and gropes to all!

Also: we discovered right after the show that a small crowd of frustrated people showed up after 7:30PM (for whatever reason… hey, it’s fine with us!) only to find the ticket person having left, and the front door to the theater locked shut! Weird? We’ll say! That door is actually pretty far from the stage. Pound harder next time! No, haha… we’re sorry! We’ve identified the weird snafu that caused this, and have taken steps to insure that won’t be happening at future shows. We’d love you to come for the whole show, but you’ll find our doors are open for the fashionably late as well! Come one, come all!

xo,
Greg & Mark

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PITCH! April 19th! David Commander! Mike Albo! Corn Mo! Erin Markey! …and Francesco Sedita of Grosset & Dunlap’s Penguin Young Reader’s Group!

Our April 19th PITCH! show promises to be the most wack-a-doodle one yet, dagnabbit! It’s gonna be all about children’s books! We’ve got celebrity performers David Commander (The Machine World Gospel, PIGGY 1.5, Big Art Group), Mike Albo (The Underminer, Unitard, The Awl), Corn Mo (357Lover, The Polyphonic Spree) and Erin Markey (Puppy Love: A Stripper’s Tale, Tennessee Williams Green Eyes) …all pitching to Francesco Sedita, President and Publisher of Grosset & Dunlap’s Penguin Young Reader’s Group (specializing in original childrens’ series, brands, licenses and titles for ages 0-12). Do any of these performers even have G-rated material? Come see what these wackos have to present to Francesco, and what Francesco throws back! Have your own children’s book idea? Audience pitches are featured too! Hosted by Greg Walloch and Mark Allen!

ps. a blog report on our March 15th show coming very soon!

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PITCH! March 15th! Alison Grillo! Glenn Marla! Les Simpson! Cary Curran! …and Brianna Austin of TGLife magazine!

We’re excited to announce a real rama-lama-ding-dong of a PITCH! show on March 15th, with star performers Alison Grillo (Last Comic Standing, Broadway Comedy Club, NBC), Glenn Marla (The Lily’s Revenge, PussyFaggot, Reigning Mr. Coney Island), Les Simpson (The Tranny Chase, My Comrade, Out, Bitches In the Sky), Cary Curran (Cary From the Cock, The Dazzle Dancers, Big Art Group) …and Brianna Austin, Publisher of TGLife the interactive magazine of information, education, entertainment and resources for those involved in the transgender community. Hosted by Greg Walloch and Mark Allen!

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A Report on our February 15th PITCH! With Dan Glass, Flloyd, Jason Wachtelhausen and Yamaneika Saunders …and Nancy Birnes and Bill Birnes of UFO Magazine!

Greg Walloch and Mark Allen warm up the PITCH crowd... Mark makes an emergency phone call...

The February 15th PITCH was our most intense to date, thanks to a ready-to-rock audience, and our savvy performers Dan Glass, Flloyd, Jason Wachtelhausen and Yamaneika Saunders, and of course our guest Editor-in-Chief Nancy Birnes, and Publisher (and TV host) Bill Birnes from UFO Magazine!

Do you want to believe? We wanted to believe in alien abduction when 7:00 PM rolled around and our star editors were nowhere in sight. Thanks to a scheduling snafu on our end (whoops!), Nancy and Bill Birnes were given the wrong start time. But — being true pros in their various fields — an on-stage call to Bill’s cell whisked them into the theater faster than imaginable (teleportation?), they came waltzing in with smiles, handing out free issues of UFO Magazine to the crowd as they made their way right down to PITCH’s on-stage Editor’s Desk …ready to roll! We could hardly introduce the show before they began telling us and the audience alternately fascinating/chilling UFO-related conspiracies and stories… with the audience eating up every word. They’re fabulous!

Bill and Nancy Birnes... the REAL Mulder and Scully!

We were proud to have the world’s one-and-only “UFO power couple” (a.k.a. the real Mulder and Scully) as our guest editors. Nancy, as Editor-in-Chief of UFO Magazine since 2003, and Bill, as Publisher of UFO and host of The History Channel’s UFO Hunters (sooo… recommended!) have not only helped break every major UFO-related story you may (or may not) have heard of, but have often had a hand in it!

And so PITCH was on…

Dan Glass lays out his UFO story to Bill and Nancy Birnes...

First up was writer and documentarian Dan Glass. Besides being a rugged dead-ringer for Johnny Depp or Ethan Hawk (handsome!), Dan ended up presenting one of the most gripping stories yet on the PITCH stage. It involved a piece he was researching for Wired magazine about a Manhattan resident who claimed to have the ability to make crystals appear on the skin of her hands and arms (as well as have an implant). Dan, a journalist (who’s written for Discover, Wired.com and NPR) relayed his experience with the woman, expressing his internal frustrations as a journalist having to cover such a story, and stick to the truth. Natural assumption would be that the woman a crank? But was she? The woman showed Dan the crystals in a baggie. What does a writer do with this kind of information? …suddenly, Nancy Birnes had questions for Dan! Nancy asked for a specific time-line about how Dan actually saw the crystals appear on her skin. Dan laid it out. Then Nancy had more questions! Dan had answers! Then Bill had questions! And Dan had answers! Soon, the PITCH stage began to resemble Woodward and Bernstein interviewing Howard Hunt’s secretary right there in front of the audience…

Nancy has questions, questions, questions!

Turns out stories like Dan’s (or Dan’s interview subject for Wired) are what Nancy deals with all day long as Editor of UFO. It’s her job to weed out the “cranks” from those reporting genuinely unexplainable phenomenon. She’s a believer, but a seasoned skeptic! But Dan is a seasoned journalist… had they both met their match? Hard-boiled!

Dan Glass demonstrated the alien doll...

Dan then surprised everybody by then bringing out an alien doll that his interview subject gave him (she apparently has hundreds in her Soho apartment, modeled after aliens she has met) and demonstrated how the woman asked Dan if he could see the doll “changing color.” Nancy’s conclusion? Dan’s subject was probably a hoax (or delusional). Dan seemed to agree, expressing his doubt not in a yes or no, but in his overall presentation about his experience covering the story.

Dan Glass is a natural speaker and a great storyteller, not to mention a tough journalist (and filmmaker) who isn’t afraid to “go there” with oddball subject matter… interesting combination! Look out for this guy!

Bill Birnes explains the various conspiracies surrounding the cancellation of the highly-rated UFO Hunters, and how a key show sparked a 2009 campaign issue...

Bill Birnes then chimed in and explained how, as “ufologists” (yes, that’s a real term), he and Nancy spend a lot of time digging through claims, accounts, evidence and facts to uncover not what UFOs and unexplained phenomenon are, but what they aren’t. As host of History’s UFO Hunters, he and his team often took UFO cases old and new and then picked them apart, analyzed each and every reported detail with hard logic and physical experiments, separately, until they’d eliminated the possible from the impossible. Whatever remains, however improbable, must be part of the truth. The ol’ Arthur Conan Doyle approach!

Although sometimes the resulting equation is that Bill and Nancy sometimes get a little too close to the truth. As example, Bill shared the controversy surrounding the cancellation of UFO Hunters and how a key 2009 episode sparked a political campaign debate. Fascinating story! (you can see all those details here… brace yourself).

“A high majority of what we’re presented with turns out to be untrue or explainable.” Nancy told Greg and I over drinks after the show, while we were discussing Dan Glass’ story. She went on to say that the remaining minority is where the real study of UFOs and the paranormal begin. And it’s their job as researchers in this field to keep the line separating the two pushed as far to the side of (our known) reality as possible. Not that they both don’t enjoy the company of colorful freaks with boundless personalities (how could they not?)

Speaking of…

Flloyd visits Earth and performs for PITCH...

Downtown NYC art/performance/music/drag legend Flloyd was up next. Through the years, we’ve seen Flloyd do everything from tear his wig off to release a stream of fake blood down his body during a drag number on the outdoor stage at Wigstock (he’s a featured performer in Wigstock: the Movie) to appearing stark naked in a fright wig and with knives attached to his fingers on stage at Limelight as a contestant in the King and Queen of New York competition (leaving a pre-prison host Michael Alig speechless), not to mention the unspeakable antics with his 00’s band 3Puen. Flloyd has always had the ability to make even downtown jaded art audiences uncomfortable… with ease!

It's unexplainable! It's Flloyd!

But he kept the ineffable theatrics in the trunk for the night, instead sharing with the audience and editor a story about a camping trip he went on with friends years ago to what sounds like a lost location from Leonard Nimoy’s In Search of… First the lake that Flloyd and friends began camping near seemed to have a sinister mind of it’s own (even stealing some of Flloyd’s jewelry) that made their inner tubs hover around by themselves. When he and his friends fled the possessed lake in terror, Flloyd later found himself asleep in the back of a station wagon with the back hatch open…only to be disturbed repeatedly by Bigfoot (no, really) who kept tugging at the corner of his sleeping bag from outside the car (omnivorous missing links can be so needy). The teen camping trip from hell ended with Flloyd passing out at a friend of a friend’s house nearby, only to wake up unknowingly in the middle of the night in a pitch-dark room with hundreds of red eyes staring at him. When he flicked on the light he saw all the red eyes belonged to figures and photographs of a giant collection of Nazi memorabilia (which the room was filled with). Flloyd is naturally funny and also a born metaphysical-type, who speaks with a dour, rhythmic delivery. Naturally, the audience ate it up, alternately howling and gasping.

And of course, Nancy had questions! Blunt ones! It turns out Flloyd isn’t afraid of psychedelics (oh, really?) and Nancy cheerfully revealed that being “under the influence” does not disqualify one from her attention as editor of UFO Magazine.

Flloyd explained a lot of details to Bill and Nancy...

“Drugs open up human perception to experience things that might not otherwise be experienced.” she confessed, “things that we as UFO researchers pay attention to.” So UFO Magazine now joins High Times as one of the few mainstream publications that being on drugs doesn’t disqualify you as a writer.

“I loved Flloyd, he’s amazing!” Nancy told me later, asking; “Now tell me again, what are some of those other things he’s done?” I had no idea where to begin.

We felt lucky getting Flloyd for the PITCH stage, and the audience loved him. He’s a guarantee performer. His chronological day-in-the-life is the source material for a thousand psychedelic screwball comedies. Ask him to tell you about the time in the 80’s Gibby Haynes of the Butthole Surfers tricked him into eating macaroni salad.

On with the show…

Jason doesn't remember the 60's, but his dad sure does!

Jason Wachtelhausen was next. We’ve had the honor of performing with Jason in other shows, and when he told us he had a great UFO story involving family members and missing chunks of time, we knew he’d be perfect. Jason went on to tell Nancy and the audience about his father’s trip to Woodstock back in the 60’s, a time and place where missing chunks of time weren’t all that unusual. But this particular instance, and the way Jason relayed it, was a chiller. Long before Jason was even conceived, his father and some friends were in car on the way to the famed music festival. After some spooky stuff happened, some of them noticed odd physical changes in themselves and their vehicle. And — fast forward through a lot of creepy details that the audience at PITCH gasped at — they arrived lost in a nearby small town only to pick up a paper and couldn’t explain how four whole days had mysteriously been lost. This was before they got to Woodstock! The fact that Jason’s childhood development included his father sitting him on his knee and telling him this story is a testament to Jason, we think.

Jason, Bill and Nancy piece together the timeline of his father's mysterious phenomenon experience...

“Jason’s story is exactly the kind of thing we like to investigate” Bill told everyone. Look for details about Jason’s story in a future issue of UFO!

Nancy and Bill listen to Jason's story...

“One of the things about being Editor of UFO is that I not only have to understand the validity of their story, but I also have to figure out if they’re a good writer or not.” Nancy told the crowd (UFO consists mostly of lengthy essays on UFO cases and phenomenon old and new, as well as long articles exploring various theories). Well, Jason may be a bit hard to figure out at times (he’s complex!), but he definitely falls into that category of being a good writer, having written for AdBusters and Wired (as well as entrepreneuring his own storytelling events in NYC), our eyes and ears can attest to that!

Things were getting intense! So…

Yamaneika confesses that the night is begining to scare her...

“Damn! I been backstage sucking down beers and listenin’ to creepy UFO talk!” Yamaneika Saunders declared as she hit the stage, “You people are scarin’ me!” It was true, the mood at PITCH had become downright moody and therapeutic. But Yamaneika broke the mood and revved things up. As a regular stand-up comedian at places like Caroline’s and Def Comedy Jam, Yamaneika naturally got people laughing right off the bat. But then she abandoned her comedy routine to confess a creepy extraterrestrial childhood memory! See the effect Nancy and Bill Birnes were having? But it was a funny one. It seems when Yamaneika was a toddler she could see a lot of activity out of her bedroom window, particularly the view of a neighbor’s front door. A neighbor who had a lot of girlfriends visiting. Somebody, at some point, told her that the neighbor (name withheld) was a pimp for “extraterrestrial prostitutes” and that the visiting women were all aliens. This had a big impact on her developmental years. Things got creepy again when she began seeing a shape-shifting diaper bag in her nursery that spoke to her telepathically, which potty trained her quickly because she became afraid of wearing diapers! Her straight face and serious delivery of all of this as the audience howled with laughter made it all the funnier. And it doesn’t mean we were mocking her inner-most secrets confessions, it’s a testament to Yamaneika’s unique talent as a performer. Comic genius!

"...and then my diaper bag began speaking to me telepathically. Okay, and then..."

“I loved Yamaneika’s story so much!” Nancy said, “In all seriousness, childhood extraterrestrial stories are of particular interest to ufologists.”

“Yamaneika is a great showman.” Bill told us later. He should know, Bill Birnes father and George Burns started out in vaudeville show business together! They were called “The Burns Brothers,” named after the coal trucks they used to gather stray coal from to do soft-shoe dancing and improv comedy in bars on Manhattan’s Lower East Side. Their real names were Abraham Kaplan and George Birnbaum, and George’s real name is part of how Bill got his last name (but that’s a whole other story, ask Bill to tell you about it some time!) Who knew!

Did you know that Bill and Nancy are also in the 2009 sequel/remake Race to Witch Mountain? Basically playing themselves?

Well, with all that out of the way, it was time for PITCH’s audience pitches! There were some doozies, and the audience discussion started to get real “heavy.” But we have to admit, this one was our favorite:

Name: Gustov Lanough
Why do you want to write for UFO Magazine: Free vacation!
What is your story/article idea for UFO Magazine? I want to find the hidden opening to inner hollow Earth in the North Pole (or is it Greenland?) and explore its hidden communities and cities. I’d like to do a Robin Leech’s Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous-style tour guide of the hottest and most exclusive inner Earth alien resorts and exclusive alien inner Earth vacation spots… where the elite inner Earth aliens see and be seen. I want to give outer Earth humans a glimpse of the inner Earth alien jet set. I’m willing to go under cover! (first class!)

Did Nancy think this one would be good for the pages of UFO? Well, no. But she loved it!

Whew!

Thanks to our audience (you’re all awesome!) and our performers (Dan Glass, Flloyd, Jason Wachtelhausen and Yamaneika Saunders) and UFO Magazine Editor-in-Chief Nancy Birnes and UFO Magazine Publisher and host of UFO Hunters Bill Birnes, for contributing to one of our most entertaining PITCH’s yet! The truth is out there!

The next PITCH is just around the corner…

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PITCH! February 15th! Yamaneika Saunders! Flloyd! Jason Wachtelhausen! Dan Glass! With Nancy Birnes and Bill Birnes of UFO magazine!

We’re excited to announce the line-up for February 15th’s PITCH! With performers Yamaneika Saunders! Flloyd! Jason Wachtelhausen! Dan Glass! All performing and pitching to Nancy Birnes, (Editor-in-Chief) and Bill Birnes (Publisher, host of UFO Hunters on The History Channel) of UFO magazine… the only magazine devoted entirely to UFO’s, alien abductions & UFO government conspiracies! Tuesday, February 15th, 7PM, at Horse Trade Under St. Marks theater, 94 St. Mark’s Place (btwn 1st & A). Only $5 at the door!

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